Fucked

It has been a pretty great year for me at first but I realize, it did not last long. Some things just came crashing down on me and I feel that I can’t take it anymore.

I had been dreading school, and hated learning new things, not in terms of academic but the things around us, and sometimes I wish that I do not find out new things because ignorance is a bliss.

It had been a really tiring week for me. To feign ignorant, to keep a smile on my face, and to convince everyone else that I’m happy but myself. I lived in self-denial, for I did not want to face the truth, for I did not want to get hurt, but I know that I’m already hurt.

It may be easy for others to say “cheer up” but in our hearts, we all know is just a fake smile and the happiness is not genuine.
 

Dear friends

Dear friends,
It's been a really tiring week, or even weeks.
We all know that life is tough, and everyone is struggling
But I am really tired.

Tired of you treating as an replacement,
only looking for me when you need me.
Tired of you treating me like a plastic bag,
throwing all you trash and problems at me,
and dump me aside when I'm "full" of my own problems.
Tired of living in misery everyday,
yet putting on a smile,
convincing everyone else that I'm happy,
but I know I'm not.

Friends...

Friends are never always there for you,
because once they used you, they throw you aside.
Friends are never trustable,
because they always replace you despite saying millions of "I love you".
Friends are never dependant,
because they leave you when you need them most.
Friends are like a knife,
they stab you,
they remain in you,
but yet constantly hurting you,
and leaving you to bleed to death.

Friends.

Spare Tire?

I am not a spare tire
I am not there for you to come and go whenever you feel like it
I am not there to be a substitute when you have no one
I am not for you to throw aside when you found someone else
I am not for you to control
I am not a replacement
So just stop treating me as one

Unloved

The feeling of unloved is really scary. It's like the one you loved, never loved you.

And the ones that claimed to love you treat you like trash.

And those that loved you, took back everything they gave you.